Letters to Khai from Christine
09/14/21
Dear daddy,
There are so many things I wish I could tell you and one of them is sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t call you that often, I’m sorry that I never wanted to learn how to do the outside stuff with you, I’m sorry that I didn’t pick up your calls all the time, I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you longer, I’m sorry that I didn’t let you hug me all the time and I’m sorry that I didn’t celebrate your birthday with you this year. I’m sorry that I took your presence for granted.
I remember Auntie Mai asking the other day whether I missed you and mommy or not and of course I replied “No”, not because I didn’t actually miss you guys but because I always thought that I’d be able to see you again. I never knew that you would leave so soon. It’s crazy to think that you died at an earlier age than Ba Noi and Ba Ngoai. I always expected you and mommy to be with us forever.
I’m going to miss all of our everyday interactions like chasing you around the house. Lying on top of you. Making our daily bargains where I ask you to do something for me in exchange for a hug. You insisting to make finger hearts whenever we take pictures. Randomly punching your stomach. Making you be my trash can when I can’t finish my food. Hearing you yell at me to go to sleep. Hearing you loudly snore. Hearing you nag me all the time about work and school. Hearing you call me am. I’m going to miss all these moments that we spent together and all the moments we couldn’t have. For all of these memories whether it was happy or sad, I just want to say thank you for all of it and everything.
Thank you for taking the time to plan trips every year and spending time together even though I didn’t always appreciate it in the moment. Thank you for helping me out with everything and taking care of everyone. Thank you for believing in me, when I didn’t believe in myself sometimes. Thank you for being my trash can, my servant, my punk, and my dad. And I’m sorry for not saying it
and not showing it all the time, but I hope that you knew that I love you. I promise to take care of mommy, michelle, and Midnight and Lucky, so don’t worry. I love you and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you but take care of Ba noi and Ba ngaoi and can’t wait to see you again someday.
Your favorite daughter, Christine
09/15/21
Dear Daddy,
Today, I miss you more than yesterday. I’m slowly realizing that the reality is that you’re not here. I’d like to believe in all the signs that you’re here like the butterfly, the double rainbow, the weight me and Michelle felt, and everything
else but it’s completely different than you being here with us. I’ll always miss you and love you.
Christine
09/16/21
Dear Daddy,
Yesterday I realized just how similar we are after I talked to mommy about some of the regrets I had about you, like not talking to you or calling you that much or not expressing how much I love you. But mommy was saying that it’s okay and that you knew how much I loved you. It was really relieving to hear that because
I wasn’t sure if you knew how much I loved you since I never said it. I hope what mommy said is true. Mommy even said that you used to do that too and that
she had to force you to say I love you to her too. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, but realizing all our similarities kinda comforted me because then I know that you’re a part of me and always with me. I can’t even begin to imagine how it’ll be when we get back. I wish you were here.
Christine
09/17/21
Dear Daddy,
Today, we had our last flight together. I didn’t expect our very last flight together to turn out like this. When we took off we all couldn’t stop crying. Michelle and mommy wanted to see you board the plane and get off the plane, but honestly I didn’t want to see you like that because that just isn’t you. It was sad to see everyone at our house talking like normal and you not being there though. I
really tried to keep my spirits up but I don’t know it just felt wrong that you weren’t there with everyone. I really wish you were here especially since I can just imagine you being here. I’m trying my best to be strong like everyone tells me to but I’m not sure how. I know you’d like me to be strong to support
mommy and Michelle and I’m trying my best but I miss you a lot. I keep trying to keep my mind off of you but it’s hard when there’s so many memories in the house. I’m really scared when it’s just me, Michelle and mommy in the house. I really wish you’d come back and that everything was just a bad dream. I love
you and I miss you a lot. Christine
09/20/21
Dear Daddy,
These past few days I haven’t been crying all that much. I think it’s because I’ve come to be less sad about your passing, and be more grateful that you were a part of my life. Because when I think of you, I remember all the good times, the everyday moments, and even the bad times and as I look back at all these memories I am happy that we spent all of those moments together. Yeah, it still sucks that you aren’t here and I’m still in shock about your passing, but I know you wouldn’t want us to mope about it all the time and I don’t want to be sad whenever I think of you anyways. Idk how to word it but I’d rather associate happiness and love with you rather than sadness, you know? But yeah
sometimes I get sad and think about all the memories we could have made, but then I think I’m pretty happy with all the memories we’ve already made. Plus, I think it’s pretty interesting to hear all the stories about you from everyone since I’ve always thought of you as just my dad, not just as Khai, the brother, the friend, the coworker, the helper, and etc. I wish I could’ve heard these stories
from you but Ik you probably wouldn’t have brought up all these stories anyways since you don’t really like to talk about yourself like your accomplishments, or how much you did for everyone. Anyways, I miss you and I love you always.
Your favorite daughter who is realizing that she is a lot like you, Christine
09/21/21
Dear Daddy,
When I was walking with Aud for a bit, she mentioned how she’s afraid to forget you. I hope I don’t ever forget you, so I’ll try to keep this promise of always remembering you whenever I water the plants, whenever I walk midnight and lucky, whenever I listen to songs from your playlist, whenever a football or basketball game is on, whenever the uncles play poker, whenever we go to Costco or Sam’s club, whenever we go to the airport, whenever I wear fat cat shirts, whenever I accomplish something, and whenever I write these late night letters to you. I love you and I miss you and I hope I never forget you.
Your favorite daughter, Christine
09/22/21
Dear Daddy,
Today I dreamt about you for the first time since you passed. In the dream, Kirsten and Michelle were trying to book tickets in your room to Florida. Mommy
walked in the room and said we all needed to go out and celebrate your birthday. Everyone was walking out of the room while I sat in front of your guys’ mirror in a daze. And then you walked into the room and noticed something was wrong with me and asked me “What’s wrong em?”. I woke up after that because I started crying. How nice would it be if my dream were real and you were still here and this was all just a bad dream? I miss you more than you can imagine and probably even more than I realize.
Christine
09/22/21
Dear Daddy,
I’m writing to you again because today has been especially hard. I honestly don’t think I have fully processed what’s happened and how much everything has changed. I think I’ve just been keeping my mind preoccupied by other things or just trying not to think about it. But as I was looking at our family photos and telling stories about you tonight, it really hit me that you’re not here anymore. I’ve been trying to stay strong all this time, but when the reality of it all
was right in front of my face I don’t think I can handle it. I don’t know what to do without you here. I’m really trying to make sense of it all, but you not being here just doesn’t make sense. I miss you so much and I wish things could go back to the way it was.
You favorite daughter, Christine
09/25/21
Dear Daddy,
I was talking to mommy and Audrey earlier tonight and I’ve been realizing that I’m still in shock and in denial about all of this. I feel like you’re just away in Indiana or Florida and you’ll come home soon. In all of the futures that I planned
I always thought that you and mommy would be there with me. I planned on living with you guys forever in our house. Michelle would move out to start her own family, and she would occasionally drop off her kids so you guys could take care of them. And you guys would take care of me too and continue to garden and cook and travel until it came to a time where I would have to take care of you and Mommy. I love you and I miss you and I’m always wishing that you were here.
Your favorite daughter, Christine
Letters to Khai from Michelle
Daddy,
Words can’t convey how much I love and miss you. I can’t believe it’s been over two weeks since you’ve passed. It feels like a lifetime and still unreal. It feels like a cruel joke and that you’re going to come walk in the door back from a trip from Florida/Indiana and you’re going to say “Chelle, what’s wrong con?” I would do anything to hear you call me Chelle and con again. I miss you so much. I feel so empty and lost without you. I know Mommy and Christine are trying to stay strong, but we’re all hurting and feel the big gaping hole in our hearts. Flying to Florida after you passed was so hard. Being there without you felt so wrong and empty. We cried so much and every day just felt like a blur. Everything reminds us of you. Seeing all your projects you were working on and being incomplete broke our hearts. We finished your front/backyard projects and I think you would’ve loved it, but at the same time, I am so sorry that we didn’t help you as much as we could’ve because it’s so much work for one person–I don’t know how you always did everything by yourself, but that’s just how you are. I know you would do anything for Mommy, Christine, and I because you just wanted us to be happy and because you loved us so much. Although you didn’t outrightly say that you loved us–you demonstrated it through your actions. If Christine and I really liked something, you would buy a bunch of it from Costco until we got sick of it. Or you would always surprise us with a new toy, would spend hours working on our projects for us, or how you always knew when there was something wrong before we could even tell you like when I got my concussion.
I’m going to miss all of the little things that we would do together like walking down the aisles of Costco/Home Depot, you getting on the ladder and throwing fruit to me, handing you tools to fix things, working on the car, sharing food since we had the same taste, and even you checking in on the camera to see what we’re up to while you’re gone. I’m going to miss all your funny habits like how you would always mix foods together such as thit kho with bananas or mangoes or combining Trix, Lucky Charms, Apple Jacks, and Mini Wheats into one container. And how you were notorious for having a bunch of snacks like your snack drawer at work or your jar of peanut m&ms in your room on the dresser. Even though you’re gone I still find snacks in the most random places. Who am I going to give my leftovers to? Who’s going to eat all the food I don’t like like the fritos in the chip variety pack? I feel like this is just a nightmare and that I’m going to wake up tomorrow and facetime you and mommy like how we did every day and you’re going to say “Why do you call mommy first and not me?”
I’m sad that I can no longer call you for help with everything and that you won’t be around to see me grow up. I’m so sad that we couldn’t see you one last time. I promise I will take care of mommy and Christine. I promise that I won’t quit when things get tough and will push through because I know that’s what you would want me to do. I’m sorry but I will continue crying and missing you for the rest of my life even though you wouldn’t want that. I will take care of your garden and pick all the weeds. I will pick all the fruits and vegetables too. I’m sad that you can’t see me graduate from USC. I’m sad that you won’t see me get a promotion and move up in my career. I’m sad that you won’t be here to walk me down the aisle when I get married. I’m sad that you won’t get to meet my kids in the future. I’ll make sure that they’ll know how much their grandpa would’ve loved them and give them all the experiences that you gave me growing up. I know you would have spoiled them, fatten them up so much, take them on the best adventures and would have loved them endlessly. I’m sad when I see all your brothers because they remind me of you. I’m sad that mommy won’t be able to grow old with you and that you weren’t able to retire in Florida like you planned. I’m sad that we didn’t go camping as a family like we wanted to. I’m sad that you’ll miss all the events in our life and won’t be here. But most of all I’m sad because I miss you so much.
I know that you always say that life is short so enjoy it, but I never would’ve imagined that you’d leave us so soon. We were just talking and I was facetiming you while I was in the backyard and you were saying how you were going to be home soon so I need to make a list of all the things you need to fix and that you couldn’t wait to try the dragon fruit. Daddy, you broke that promise. I wish you were here. I miss you so much and it feels so empty. I can’t sleep at night, nothing tastes good–with you, there was color in the world, but now everything just looks gray. We miss you and we need you. You’re our Superman.
Mommy has been saying that she’s glad that you didn’t suffer, but she’s heartbroken. She lost the love of her life and isn’t able to grow old with you and do all the things that you both wanted.
You took care of everything and now we’re so lost without you. I’m trying to step up and help Mommy, but Daddy, it’s so hard and it’s so much. We need you. Mommy said she’s glad that I told you to write down all the passwords and that she’s glad that I’m helping with everything, but all I can think of is you jokingly saying “Who trained you?” with a smile on your face, but this is never what I would imagine would happen. People keep saying that everything happens for a reason and that you were trying to prep us and that you left everything for us so we would be okay, but I just want you back.
You are funny, you always put others before yourself, you could figure out anything with the help of google and youtube and determination, you loved a good deal and buying in bulk from costco and restaurant depot, hosting parties, taking us on trips and traveling the world, and you just loved living life to the fullest without any regrets. Everywhere you went you touched everyone’s life and everyone loved you.
Things will never be the same and home will just feel empty. When people asked us, do you miss your parents because they’re in Florida? I always said no because I didn’t want you and mommy to feel bad, but honestly I missed you guys so much and wished you were home. I wish you could come home with us. I wish I could hug and kiss you one last time. I wish you were here to tell me to stop crying and say that everything will be okay. I miss you and your snoring and your bear hugs and your dad jokes and funny faces. I miss when you would tell me “nho dieu” (ngaw dew). I’m going to miss you watching your Chinese dramas, your old American films, America’s Got Talent, watching football and basketball, crime shows, and family feud with you. I wish we could have had one more family vacation or family dinner. I think we all don’t express it enough but I love you so much. I will make sure I live my life to the fullest because you just never know when it’s your time. I always thought that my parents were invincible, but I learned the hard way that they’re not. So I’ve been telling everyone now to hug their parents and tell them they love them while they’re still around because you never know when it’ll be the last. You always said that “Life is short so enjoy it.”
You gave us the world. Thank you for struggling and sacrificing so much so you could give Christine and I the childhood you didn’t have. I will never be able to repay you. We were so fortunate to go on family trips during each break and could go multiple times a year. Some of my favorites were our road trips and going camping. Christine and I would play our music and sing the whole car ride and you never complained once. You are the best girl dad ever and no one could ever replace you. I promise I will take care of Mommy, Christine, Midnight, and Lucky so you don’t have to worry, but promise me you’ll watch over us too okay? I mean because now you can watch us anywhere. Thank you for everything and I hope that I will continue to make you proud. I don’t want to think of this as a goodbye because you will always have a special place in my heart. I love you so much and will always love you forever Daddy.
Darlene’s Message
Thank you everyone for coming today to celebrate Anh Khai’s life. He has touched so many people’s hearts. He has a Big golden heart & I’m so lucky & grateful to be his lover, his soul mate, his best friend, his bx ieu, and his loving wife. We have known each other for 28 years. My high school best friend, Trang, introduced Khai to me. My first impression about him was his genuine and affectionate smile. He was 7 years older than me and I was worried if My Mom was ok with that. The first day I brought him home My Mom & my whole family loved him. My Mom said “He looks like a living Buddha & she approved him right away.” We went out a few times and he was worried about our future “he told me he has nothing since he didn’t have a stable job or anything yet”. I said Honey, I love you for who you are, and not for how much money you have. If we have good health and love then we can start everything from scratch”.
We dated for 2 years & got married in August 1995. We’ve been together for 26 years and have 2 beautiful daughters. We are so beyond proud that we have reached our family milestone. Michelle (24) graduated from UCSD & she works for Northrop and she is studying Supply chain @ USC. Our younger daughter Christine 22 just graduated this Summer for Computer Engineering from UCSD. We were so happy We had such a loving and beautiful life together. He spoiled us Girls a lot. He did everything for us and all I do is just work and directly deposit & he took care all the rest. He took us everywhere on the road trip, camping & traveling to all different places. He’s always well prepared and packed and organized everything so neatly and very well.
We have many plans together & plan to retire soon, but he left us so soon. Even though, I witnessed his last breath I’m still in shocked & in denial. I wish it was just a nightmare, but it is not. He will be missed forever. I miss his voice, his affectionate smile, his caring, and especially him being my Uber driver. He was my first lover, the only, and he will be my last. I always told him “Honey, you are stuck with me not only for this life but also the next next life.” Life is not fair, they took our most sweet, caring, loving man away so soon. I’m so so lost without him & I have to start with my baby steps all over again. Honey thank you for coming into our life. Thank you for loving us unconditionally. Thank you for making us smile so bright. Thank you for taking care of us so well and thank you for always being by our side and protecting us. Life will never be the same without you Honey. Please give me the power and the strength so I can take care of our 2 beautiful daughters. Please RIP and we all will love you forever. You’re my heart, you’re my soul & I’m here waiting for you Honey until we are together again in our next life. Love & miss you so much